Pushing it to the EDGE

3 Stride. 3 Strong. 3 Best Friends. 1 Blog.

Expect the Unexpected

I wouldn’t say I am an extremely emotional person, I have succeeded in showing as little as possible; not necessarily a positive characteristic trait. It has its advantages; I work in a high stress, male dominated industry requiring me to suppress emotion or i would like look a sissy. Sad but true. When I want to break down, scream or cry, I don’t because there is no crying in my office; it’s my rule and obey the same. I stare, I shut-down temporarily or sometimesoffend people but tears or emotional irrationality are not an option. That’s the professional me.

The personal me lately is feeling a bit soft, something not expected which has created a sense of uneasiness, for all the right reasons. I could use it, it is no secret I have an edge to me. I have been the girl who has been referred to by her last name since before high school; I was the “guys girl” so it was always fitting to refer to me by last name only because that’s how guys roll. Amy & Tiff had a challenge for me in 2011… “be a little less [last name] and a little more “Jamie”…. I took the challenge and failed, for good reasons. 2011 brought many events requiring the tough exterior my last name signified remain in full force (and I don’t know why it does, it just sounds like a dudes name). If I wasn’t tough in 2011, I would be not where I am today; I powered through some serious challenges…..and welcomed 2012 with minimal expectations in my personal life. If I sat here and said I didn’t date a lot, I would be a fat liar, I did in 2011; I put myself out there not because I couldn’t NOT be alone but rather because we are human beings, we are social creatures! I experienced plenty of alone time, plenty of reflection on what would make me happy and acted accordingly. Some dates were fun, I met coolguys, experienced some things I liked in a person but more-so experienced things I couldn’t stand. The games, the intimidation of the fact I have a successful career and can actually take great care of myself, the emotional immaturity, the egos, the stage 5 clingers and just the over-all douchy-ness. I am not naive; I am sure some of the guys would make a list of their own dating me taught them they either loved or loathed. I have a strong personality, if you don’t have the same and have the balls to tell me when I need to tone it down, you will not make the cut. If you pretend like you are a big deal to impress me, I will have a hard time not keepin’ it real reminding you we live in Reno, NV, not New York or Los Angeles. So I am sure dating me helped refine their “list” as well which means I served a purpose in their lives and they in mine and we were all one step closer to finding our complimentary mate. They will all find that perfect person who needs to be either “taken care of” financially, love the name-dropping game or can tolerate neediness.

I am realizing the cliche statement “when you least expect being presented with someone special” might actually ring true. Someone who could potentially change the entire course of your life or maybe just change the way you look at life. It is effortless, comfortable and it was established our situation, whatever it was would be “game-free”, we say what we mean and mean what we say. We take a chance, and trust in wherever it takes us. It is a different emotion for me to feel; it isn’t common therefore it is challenging to manage what the fuck is happening. Is this normal? Am I crazy?

I do know this, it was a blessing I wasn’t presented with this in 2011; I wasn’t, on any level ready and I would have potentially missed out on this incredible feeling. Although I would like to say I have minimal expectations I would be lying but keeping my head straight.

I am 100% comfortable saying, I am content; even with 5,001 unanswered questions.

~jamie

  1. lotusgalramblings said: Whew eh? :)
  2. makethecut posted this